Dig a Little Deeper?????

Wow! I've gone from being sick to anger, it's a little like a slow burn...

After looking at my current billing cycle I thought to myself; "hmmm, how long has this been going on?" So, what did I decide to do? Dig a little deeper of course! I mean why not; I'm already hurt and getting angrier by the minute. So I looked at my last months bill and what did I find 92 text messages exchanged between TG & Minx. Now you might say that's not many compared to this month and you'd be correct; however Minx just got a cell phone (she didn't previously have one) in late October, so that many texts in about a week. Wow, just burning up the lines aren't they!

What a lying snake and her; well there are no nice names that come to mind. You'd think she'd be smarter since she's married but obviously she has no respect for her marriage vows!

Affair of the Heart?

Today I am sick, so sick to my stomach because I have discovered what I believe to be an affair of the heart. Now I am somewhat clueless in this realm because it's not something I am familiar with; so given this new knowledge that TG might be more than likely is having an emotional affair with a past ex, what do I do?

Maybe some of you are more knowledgeable about this type of thing and can offer insight because all I have done, aside from feeling like I'm gonna vomit; is google emotional affirs. Here's what I have found:

6 Signs of Emotional Cheating

An affair of the heart happens when you:

1. Discuss your partner and relationships with your “friend.” You share your fears, hopes, and dreams (this is emotional intimacy). Which TG has done with Minxie (that's what I'm calling the lying tramp from his past); he has discussed our relationship with her!
2. Meet your “friend” for dinner or lunch without telling your partner. He has never done this, but then again she does live 16 hours away.
3. Keep your computer, files, and internet sites password-protected. I don't know if he has done this because I haven' checked. Should I?
4. Hide or are secretive about your life, relationships, and activities. He is secretive about his thoughts and feelings, and I now believe he shares them freely with minx but not me.
5. Keep your partner waiting while you spend time with your “friend.” Again, see #2
6. Stay in regular, intimate contact with ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends. Emotional cheating can spring from close relationships with past lovers. Yes, this is exactly what he is doing! She is an old "friend" from middle school who he dated in high school, and loved for years even while he was married to his ex.

Let me give you some basic background info and I'm sorry if along the way I ramble because I am trying to sort through this in my head while translating it to my heart, so that I can get rid of this sick feeling in my stomach. Minx and TG have known each other since they were children (10-ish) and they dated for a while in junior high and have kept in close contact through the years; all during his marriage to his ex and her two marriages (Minx is working on #2). During TG's marriage he admitted to me he loved Minx but was committed to his marriage and Minx had feelings for him; these never culminated in to anything because he was faithful to his wife. After his separation he went home for a visit and spent time with Minx; keep in mind she's married with 3 children, and they had a brief encounter with one another. They didn't sleep together, but they did kiss and were having what I would call an emotional affair at that time; she mailed him photos of her in lingerie! Bet her husband doesn't know about that!

To the best of my knowledge this ceased over a year ago, but recently I have discovered TG has been communicating a lot via text messaging with Minx. Before you raise the question; how do I kow this; I'll tell you I discovered it on my cell bill; which I have put him and his children on. 209 texts exchanged in 5 days!!!! Is this inappropriate? It feels wrong and a violation of our relationship.

What to do, what to do? I am sick...

What I am Thankful For

Since we’re all starting the holiday countdown and many of us will be traveling in the next few weeks, I thought I would take a moment to say what I am truly thankful this year. Yes, cheesy. OK, a bit corny. But all in all, a nice thing I want to do. Mostly to remind myself that life is good – and that despite some nastiness 2010 has brought, I am surrounded by good things.  So, I’m gonna get cheesy on your ass and say I am thankful for:

• My friends putting up with my crap – though this year, I was primarily drama-free (yay, me!)
• Finally finding a great job that I love going to *most* mornings
• My Ridge-it for learning to snuggle more in the mornings (although I really wish he'd learn to do it quietly!)
• Heading up North to reconnect with my brother 
• Living in a state where I can enjoy the outdoors all the time
• Spending time with my boyfriend's teenage children and surviving!
• Slowly Very slowly working my way out of debt
• (Re)discovering myself
• You, my bloggy friends
• The ability to quit Facebook when needed
• A life interesting enought that gives me enough fodder to entertain you on this blog
• Connecting with new and old friends who are there for me, no matter what

And last, but not least, dating TG and even with his crappy ex he has been wonderful! 

So on that note, peace out. Have a wonderful Turkey Day – even if you don’t celebrate, drink a lot of wine, eat a lot of food, and if possible watch football. I know I will.  Talk with you soon.

Hang Tight... If you're hanging at all!

I'd love to be coy and wonder out loud if there's anyone even reading this anymore, but I'm not too good at faking that kind of thing. My stat tracker shows me plain as day you're all out there still, reading regularly (or reading, period), though what or why, I'm not sure, since I'm basically an absent blogger these days. But, you're there, and I know it, so why pretend?

I've got this angsty, confessional post coming up that goes into a lot of detail about my thoughts lately, but since it's not yet finished and I'm feeling the need to write, that'll have to wait a little more so I can whine a bit about how freaking stressed I've been for weeks now.

It's the usual - work, boyfriend and life, all of which are slamming me with projects (work), frustration (boyfriend) and lack of fun (life in general). It's not so much that blogging is overwhelming, but rather, time consuming. I get home and the last thing I want to do is be on the computer. I think I'm about ready to accept that there won't be any real down, quiet time that would allow me the energy and presence of mind to write for a good while, because just when I think, oh, in two weeks XXX and XXX will be over and done with and then I can get back to some of the things I want to do, something new comes up and there goes that. I'm back to exhausted and being short on time.

The thing is, beyond the exhaustion and myriad time-consuming responsibilities and the pretty busy schedule I maintain, I really feel a bit over-saturated with technology and just don't want to deal with it when I do have down time. By the time I'm home from work, I'm sick of the computer. I don't get full use of my Droid because while I love how handy it is, I've come to view these *smart* phones are real hindrances to having real, enjoyable engagement with real, live human beings (more on that on another day, as I've got a lot of phone rage I'd love to vent about, especially when it interferes in my quality time with TG).

There's some other stuff, some other reasons why it's felt like a real challenge to write here for some time. You'll have to wait for the angsty post for that. Today, it's just a small peek into what's been going on lately, and an effort (small, to be sure) on my end to stay in touch. I struggle a lot with the notion of feeling obligated to an audience, of *having to* write for anyone but myself, and especially with addressing said audience. But at the same time, isn't that what a blogger wants for her blog, readers? So how can I then ignore you or pretend you're not there, when I know you are, and I love you for it?

Sheesh, even that made my brain hurt. This exhaustion is exhausting. Please light a candle that I survive the next couple of weeks, because seriously, I do have a lot on my mind.

Over and out for now.