Monday, August 31, 2009

Here we are...

I'm thinking of having an affair... I really want to be with someone, physically! It has been way too long...

Thursday, August 6, 2009

So where did I leave off?

I left it hanging with have I gone crazy from lack of sex OR have I cheated? Well, I haven't done either. HOWEVER, I have had sex. My husband and I separated for several months and at the time agreed we would see other people; which I did, and then ended up having an awesome like eyes rolling in the back of your head night of sex with a good friend. Now before you judge me; we were separated and I hadn't had sex in a year and four months and this friend is damn sexy!

Anyway after being with someone that long and not being noticed it felt pretty wonderful to have someone notice me as a sexual woman. I mean as I said I'm not unattractive at 5'3", long auburn hair and 130 lbs. So for all you married, in a relationship or single women who can't get a man to notice you because you think you're fat or unattractive; well I doubt you are. Speaking from someone who has decent self esteem I am often stumped as to how I am often not noticed.

These are the kinds of things you can't tell most people because
  1. they don't know how to respond
  2. they look at me like I'm crazy (and then I have to wonder, am I?)
Am I nuts to remain in a marriage where not just my physical needs byt emotional needs aren't being met? Don't a lot of us do this? Ugh! I'm working on getting it right; but I gotta start with getting it straight in my head first. For those who will judge after reading this post, get over it. A lot led up to that night and I am not writing this to have people judge for my transgressions; this is my outlet as I come to terms with what is in my head and heart to determine if they're the same thing.

Okay, off to dinner now; pizza just arrived.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

While he's away the mice will play...

So the hubby is out for the night; too bad, thank god! He took the dogs with him which means total solitude for me and I have spent the evening catching up online and creating this blog.

This blog is long overdue because I often have things go through my mind that I never share with my husband cause well' we're just not intimate. We're not intimate socially which is a real pain in the ass but emotionally we're even less so. So here I can rant & rave, spill my guts, and reminisce about the way life was and the way I am working on it to be in the future.

So let's just jump right in, remember you were warned... Here I am married not quite two years and my first bitch is that I have had sex once with my husband! ONCE, can you fucking believe that? and I initiated it. I'm not unattractive, and am a pretty sexual woman so at this point I am REALLY frustrated. So you're probably thinking "no way, what person would tolerate that" or perhaps you're wondering why I haven't cheated instead?

Well, more about this later... after I mull over it more...