In this world I think there is a myth floating around our individualistic and idealistic society. A myth that claims that marriage will only work when you find your “smoking-hot, filthy rich, love-at-first-sight, sexually charged, accept-me-as-I-am and don't ask me to change, The Notebook-Sweet Home Alabama-Titanic-esque, soul mate.”
Don’t believe me? Flip to your movie channel and look at the message Hollywood communicates; look at the evidence of the media pointing to shorter and fewer marriages; research studies suggest this is a primary factor that holds both men and women back from marital commitment – they just haven’t found their soul mate. They believe in their heart of hearts that their match-made-in-heaven is still out there, somewhere. Really? Really? Are we really that
Here's a possible solution I think you can live with. Here's what you do when you find yourself in a relationship with the wrong person. Again, these are ramblings from a crazy, soon to be wed, wine drinking optimist. Try it and see what happens:
- Every time your mate falls short, find another. On to the next one. Then when they fall short, and they will, do it again. And again. And then again. Forgiveness is futile. Reconciliation, pointless. If they were your soul mate they’d never make those kind of mistakes. Right? Right? If they really loved you, they would have thought before they acted. If they were your soul mate they wouldn't have made such a heinous error. Of course, there will be significant emotional baggage that'll carry over with each new partner. But sooner or later you’re bound to find Mr. or Mrs. Right, right? And they’ll be perfect, right?
Of COURSE they will.
- Avoid it all. Make it girls’ night out every weekend. Feed your appetite for sex when it’s hungry, and be sure not to let anyone too close. Marriage is old news anyways. Commitment is so over rated. No strings attached. Lock your heart up in an “iron-clad case” throw away the key where no one can reach it, and allow it to grow “motionless, unbreakable, and impenetrable.” Then no one will ever break it… or capture it.
OR, try this on for size!
It paints a portrait of two sinners, committing to the task of one another, for the sake of one another, until death do them part. It’s two imperfect people, committing to the sanctifying work of expressing Jesus’ self-sacrificial love, to their lover, so that they might see him or her become the person God has always intended them to be, knowing full well that neither of them have yet to reach this goal. Also knowing full well that God put that person in their path to help one another become the person God wants them to be.
God’s view of marriage is one that commitment is the key. Not chemistry. In fact, commitment is chemistry. There is no greater proof of love than the willingness to commit your life to and for someone else. Just ask Jesus.
Commitment allows someone into your life in an up close and personal way. And
C.S. Lewis wrote something of this:
Am I writing this about you or myself? In all writing there's a touch of the author within, your bruised toes are also mine.