I seem to have this idea in my head that I can’t have a relationship because I’m not ready to really settle down (and I know I won’t be for a while). I’ve forgotten that in between dating around and marriage lies this popular trend called “having a boyfriend”. I suppose it has something to do with age. I’m not in high school anymore, and most of my friends are already married or in serious relationships where the natural progression is leading to marriage. It’s planted this little voice in my head that’s telling me if I have a boyfriend I’m going to have to get married and I’m not ready to settle down, I’m not ready to give up my independence so I avoid it all together.
Don’t get me wrong, I still don’t feel as though I want a man in my life right now, as I feel he would distract me from other goals and priorities I have for my life (goals that are going to take time), but if that wasn’t the case, well… If that wasn’t the case then I suppose I wouldn’t be so adamant about not getting married for several years…
Crap.
Maybe I just don’t have a clue. Maybe I need to remember that I do have priorities while at the same time being open to the fact that the right guy would add to my life and not distract me from said goals and priorities.
So maybe that’s it then… Maintain my singledom while being open to the possibility that the right guy will show up. Trouble is to not be tempted by the wrong guy…
When you think about it though, and this is the part that always trips me up, all relationships are eventually going to either end, or become more serious… and to have a boyfriend just so you can eventually break up and have your heart-broken seems pointless, right? And the other outcome is exactly the pressures I’m trying to avoid at this stage in my life. Do you see my conundrum, here?
Seriously! Why is it so complicated when all I really want is for it to be simple? Can’t a FORTY-something woman just enjoy the comforts of a relationship without the pressures of long-term commitment? Is it possible?
